Alex Weber | How to Overcome Failure and Become Unstoppable From the Author of Fail Proof
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Are you feeling nervous about an upcoming event? Is the fear of failure preventing you from staying calm? Join us today as Alex Weber shares 3 mindset tips to prepare yourself for your big day and why you need to work on your micro-fails in order to succeed.
Key Takeaways From This Episode
Why you should chase your dreams despite what people think
Can confidence be developed?
2 ways to calm down your nerves before performing
The chain reaction that occurs every time we fail
6 steps for not letting failure stop you
Resources Mentioned In This Episode
Fail Proof: Become the Unstoppable You
Disclaimer: All information and views shared on the Live Greatly podcast & the Live greatly website are purely the opinions of the authors, and are not intended to provide medical advice or treatment recommendations. The contents of this podcast & website are intended for informational and educational purposes only. Always seek the guidance of your physician or other qualified health professional when you have any questions regarding your specific health, changes to diet and exercise, or any medical conditions.
About Alex Weber
Alex Weber is a world-class athlete, award-winning coach and world-record holder who works regularly with major franchises like the LA Lakers, companies like ESPN, Bloomberg TV, Discovery Channel, NBC and LinkedIn.
With over 30,000 followers on social media, Alex has gained major momentum over the last few years by competing twice in NBC's American Ninja Warrior and hosting NBC's award-winning AWN digital series, Crashing the Course. In addition to his work in public speaking and television, Alex has achieved major success as an athlete, having been awarded U.S. Lacrosse Coach of the Year honors, holding a World Record, and competing in the World Championships of lacrosse finishing as a Top Scorer in the world!
He’s known for his PROVEN 6-Step Fail Proof system that teaches people how to never let failure stop them, quit on their goals, or worse, quit on themselves, which is the topic of his book Fail Proof: Become the Unstoppable You.
Connect with Alex
Website: ALEX WEBER - Become Unstoppable
Instagram: @imalexweber
About Vegamour
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Kristel Bauer, the Founder of Live Greatly, is on a mission to help people thrive personally and professionally. She is a corporate wellness expert, Integrative Medicine Fellow, Keynote Speaker, TEDx speaker & Physician Assistant experienced in Integrative Psychiatry and Functional Medicine.
Follow her on:
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To Book Kristel as a speaker for your next event, click here.
Episode Transcript
Alex (Teaser)
What I'm much more excited about is those micro fails, the little fails that happen every single day, that lead to whether it's a “success or failure.” And in those little micro fails, that's where we can actually do the bang and improve things.
Kristel (Guest Intro)
If you're wanting to feel motivated to go after your goals and not let the fear of failure hold you back.
You're going to love today's episode with Alex Weber. Alex is an award-winning television host TEDx speaker. He's also been on American Ninja Warriors twice. He was the host for the NBC's award-winning show, Crashing The Course. And he's also the author of Fail-proof become the unstoppable you Alex and I are going to be talking about his six step fail-proof system that teaches people how to never let failure stop. Quit on their goals or worse, quit on themselves.
I am super pumped about this episode. Let's jump right into it and welcome Alex, Weber to the show.
Alex:
Thank you for having me so fired up to be here.
Kristel:
Yay. All right, so you got some cool stuff going on. We've been chatting for a little bit before I hit the record button.
You have a new book that just came out. And before that you've been doing all sorts of stuff, American Ninja Warriors, athlete.
So I would love to start if you could just share some of the, kind of like the highlights of your journeys so that the listeners can get to know you a little bit.
Alex:
Yeah, yeah. A hundred percent.
And thank you for that. And yeah, so I've definitely been asked about, I mean, sometimes I'll just get the question of like, so what do you do for work? And then I'll get the next question. It's like, how did you start doing that? And you know, professionally now I'm a speaker. So I speak at companies, organizations, associations, universities, and I love it so much.
I also compete on NBC American Ninja Warrior, which is a. Intense athletic competition. And, you know, before that I was doing TV hosting. I actually won an award hosting for American Ninja Warrior NBC before being a competitor, which that's a lot of my journey is switching from host to competitor. And before that, It was doing standup comedy and, uh, also won the US lacrosse high school coach of the year.
So now speaking professionally as this kind of cool combo of who I was as a coach, but also stand-up comedian and TV hosting, and yeah, it's been.
Kristel:
Very cool. Okay. I'm curious about this TV hosting and if this is something that you've always known, you've wanted to do, like, were you really into acting, growing up?
Did you like being in front of a camera? Because obviously you're an athlete too. So did you kind of have this like dream or vision for yourself or did it more fall into your lap?
Alex:
Um, definitely didn't fall into my lap. And it's a really great question and something that I'm really big on in the book and probably because I've lived it. is to question things a little bit.
And if someone says that you are, or you're not something that's not as necessarily a fact, and even if it's not readily seen in your life, and there's something you want to do, whether that's creatively, whether you want to be a leader, whatever it might be for you, you still can do it. Even if it's not occurring right now.
And for me, I was such a jock growing up, but sports meant so much to me because it gave me so much, it gave me purpose. It gave me friends, it gave me growth. Um, so that's really why I loved sports, but I would, I remember in high school and then, especially in college, I would sneak off and I wouldn't tell my friends on the hockey or lacrosse teams.
And I would go to theater, I'd go to rehearsals. And I was doing plays. I was in a creative writing group. And it wasn't until my senior year actually at college that won. I was supposed to go into finance. I went to an Ivy league school. It was business business business. Um, and I knew that it wasn't right for me, but it was very difficult to go against that because I'd be going against what all my friends were doing, what my parents had kind of thought I'd been proud and excited for me to do when teachers professors had led me towards.
So it was really lifting up and changing a different path, but I ultimately had a very honest moment with myself and something big in the book is what I call brave honesty, which is, I think it's courageous for us all to ask some tough questions and then answer it honestly. And for me, it was very clear that I wanted to do something in entertainment.
And inspiring people. That's all I knew. I didn't know that, but even more specifically. So I moved to LA, I don't know if that's a cliche and moved to LA and started doing acting. Never really loved it. I loved the craft. You know, if you're in a scene you're doing in a theater. Great. But I just always felt like I would go into auditions and it would be like broey guy at the high school, he's a bully.
And I'm like a polo with a popped collar would be like later nerds. And the casting directors would always be like, no next. And I'm like, cool, thanks for having me. And I just, it felt again, similar to finance, like it wasn't quite a fit. And then I remember I had a good friend who was a host and I'd always see what she was up to.
And I was like, that looks fun. It looks like you're just being who you are, like, how we're being right now. You know how you'd be with your friends and your family. And I remember I went in to like a hosting workshops. And it was, it was exactly like how you would hang out with friends and they were like, oh, you'd be great at this.
And I'm like, this is way better. Let's do this. So there definitely was more, there's a longer story, but there definitely was more hurdles along the way, but truly what led me through all of them was even my first hosting agent. I remember I went in, took me a year to get a hosting agent. And even that first meeting, he was like, well, it's really tough out there. I don't know if we're going to get any work. And I'm like, are we partnering up? What is happening right now? Can I end up going off and filming a fake show as if I were hosting my dream show? And that footage is what led me to getting hired for FX, getting hired to red carpet, the Grammys, and then getting hired for American ninja warrior on NBC.
So I say that rambling answer to say, people don't see it until they see it needing something that you want to do. It doesn't matter if no one sees it right now, you still can do it.
Kristel:
So true, and I think you really have to be your own biggest advocate because no matter what your goal is, you're going to run into people who are going to try and plant the seed of doubt, you know, like that agent, like it's a hard, you know, it's hard out there and that very well could be the case, but it doesn't support your like perseverance in the process of focusing on that. Yeah.
Alex:
And it doesn't mean sticking our head in the sand, meaning like if someone is giving you feedback of value, You know, I have a really good friend and he'll watch my videos now. He's a phenomenal, we're very close friends and he'll go, you kind of always do this goofy smiley. And a part of me of, of course is like insecure. Like, what are you talking about? I'm just happy. But I'm like, no, I hear what he means. It's a default. It's coming from insecurity. And so I say that because there is value in, I don't want to say constructive criticism, But that's a fancy word for, if people give a damn about you and they actually want you to be better that's worth focusing into, but people are just shutting you down. Turn their volume to zero.
Kristel:
That's so true. I, so I just gave a TEDx talk a few weeks ago and I mean, you've done it. So, you know, it's, and I do a lot of speaking too, but it's different when I'm speaking, I'm not on the TEDx stage because it's just a different kind of performance.
So with this, it was my first longer memorize speech and I gave it a lot of effort, but where I'm going with this is I was practicing a lot in front of my husband. He's incredibly supportive. And I also recorded myself doing it. And he was like, you might not realize you're doing this. But when I was talking about some, like giving heavy statistics or I like smirked a little and I didn't realize I was doing it, but it was like my default of like, I didn't mean to smile, but I was smiling like at the wrong times.
And thank goodness. He told me that because then I was able to recognize it and have the appropriate, you know, facial expression for the information I was delivering. But I thought it was kind of funny.
Alex:
You're smiling. This is a horrific statistic.
Kristel:
I know, I didn't even realize I was doing it. It was like my uncomfortable face, I guess I smile a lot.So apparently it was like an uncomfortable smile. I don't know.
Alex:
Well, no, it's so valuable. What you're saying because, Tape doesn't lie. And especially in sports, that's often where you watch game footage back and you see things and there's no hiding it's there. Um, but just like we're saying with presentations with, with speaking, you I've watched tape back to, and it doesn't lie and you see things and, you know, I don't know if that's a direct parallel for everyone in their work, however, maybe it's worth putting up a camera in and pretending you're on a date and seeing what, how it goes.
Kristel:
Interesting. Yeah. And I, one thing that I want to talk to you a little bit about too, is, um, since you are doing a lot of this hosting and you're very visible and you're onstage and you're on TV. Do you think that that's something that you need to have an innate confidence for? Or do you think that that's something that can be developed?
Because I think you can develop confidence, but it's not always easy. Like, is that kind of a job speaking TV only for people who are like innately gifted and extroverted or what are your thoughts on that?
Alex:
I love that question. Short answer is no, slightly longer answer is that. Everything is learnable.
Everything is learnable. It is, and I am extroverted and I would tell stories at dinner parties and things like that and, and jokes with my friends. But when I went and started doing stand up comedy, I would black out from nerves. Literally I would block out the same way I used to black out before a lacrosse games.
Cause I've struggled with nerves my whole life. It's only in the last, maybe like five years that I've learned how to work with them. We're actually a really beautiful, energetic force if we can channel it and I can speak on that. But my point being, I've seen so many people who don't even identify as a speaker, but they identify is someone who is passionate about a subject matter. And then the method that they're communicating it, happens to be the spoken word. And so they become a good speaker, really, just because they're excited about what they're talking about. And a lot of times I'll get asked, how do you speak in front of a lot of people? Aren't you nervous? And I am, but the second that I switch from, oh my gosh, my hair's like this. And my shirt's like this and I'm nervous. I hope they like me. To actually, what matters, which is, I'm fired up to say this, because I know this is what this person needs to hear. It's so much more powerful when we get out of our own way.
And so I just say, I encourage someone if you're listening and you're like, I could never speak in front of people, whether it's a presentation in front of five people or 500 people, I would encourage you to find something that you are actually really excited about and use that as a case study and know that that confidence and speaking in front of people is 100% learnable.
Kristel:
Yes, that's so true. So from that, with that's what happened for me? I used to think I was really bad at public speaking until I realized I had a message I really wanted to share. Then I loved it. It was so weird, so weird. And then the more I did it, the more confident I felt, the easier it was and like the nerves still come.
But it's, I love what you said. Cause I do that too. Or I remember it's about what I'm trying to share in the value. And that takes, it takes me out of like the self-awareness of worrying about all that stuff that you, you know worry about.
Alex:
And, and just one little add-on note to that, it doesn't necessarily go away. You know, there's talks that I'll do where I'm extremely confident. And even yesterday I was giving one and I had a huge wave of imposter syndrome come up right before. I literally right before I went on stage and I went back to that, what do I need to say? And it ended up being one of the best experiences I've had in recent memory. And so I would just say, you know, I don't think those doubtful voices ever go away, but again, the volume to which we actually listened to them. That is our choice.
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Kristel:
I want to dive a little bit more into this dealing with nerves because I'm sure you've had your fair share of intense experiences with all the different things you're doing America Ninja Warrior.
Speaking and the TV stuff. So what, what works for you? Do you have any practices that you do? Anything, like if you find that heart's racing and you feel like you're going to blackout and not remember what to say, like, do you have something that you do to ground yourself?
Alex:
Yeah, no, I love that question.
It's something very dear to me because, uh, you know, as I I've struggled with the nerves my entire life and sometimes has gotten the better of me, like college lacrosse. I was a freshman. I started every single game as an Ivy league D1 team, but I underperformed because my nerves got the better of me. And then in stand up, as I was saying, you know, I used to blackout from my first probably handful of times I would literally, if you asked me what happened up there, I couldn't tell you this. I was blacking out because I was so nervous. So study out of a Harvard health shows that nerves and excitement are the same energy, just with a different story. And I think that's really important because nerves are very activating quality. Even yesterday when I was nervous before giving this talk because I was nervous and activated when I was rehearsing, I came up with new thing out of kind of a survivalist mentality. I think my brain was so alert and ready. It came up with things. So there's actually a lot of value if we can. Harness it and not let it harm us.
So for me, at the end of the day, before I do anything, I say this to myself, take a deep breath, have faith in yourself, let it fly. So literally actually take a deep breath because of what that does and they can calm us down. And we got to address the fact that we're animals, and. Take a breath. It doesn't. have a glass of water, take a breath, move your body a little bit. You'll be activated and then have faith in yourself, which I very much believe in. It doesn't matter the end result just unwaveringly commit to yourself and doing your best. Just every single time, because that commitment, one, you'll never have to deal with regret because all you can do is the best you can do. That's my inspirational jingle that's in the book. All you can do is the best you can do. And then at the end of the day, let it fly, give it everything you have because you can't do anything more than that. All you can do is the best you can do. And then one more tactical note, that's less inspirational, but just more tactical American Ninja Warrior. I came from lacrosse and hockey where they're beautiful and strategic, but there's also some chaos at times the ball is loose. Who's going to get it. Oh, wait, intercepted pass, All of this. American ninja warrior is much more deliberate than any other sport I've ever done. And I didn't even realize it until this year.
How well thought out, the athletes are with every single move. And that was a game-changer for me of, oh my gosh. You actually need to plot out, move your right hand that I'll move my head then left-hand then I'll take a breath here. It's this beautiful choreographed dance. So why I saved that is if I'm feeling nervous, I just say focus on the immediate, next thing.
Meaning if I'm about to run the blocks, it doesn't matter obstacles 2,3,4,5, And beyond you need to focus on exactly what you were about to do right now. And what's beautiful about that is one, it kind of zens you out. You're actually just focused on the present moment and what you can do in it. And then two as you do that. Okay. I just, oh my gosh. I'm so nervous about this meeting. Okay. We'll put on your pants. Tie your shoe. Look yourself in the mirror. Do you look good and feel competent? Awesome. Go get your coffee. Go to your car. Are you buckled in? Do you know where you're going? Put on your song, get settled, get confident, get grounded. Okay. Now you're at the door. So I just say that because if we build these little wins that our confidence is building the momentum's building. So if you're nervous about that dinner, you're nervous about that meeting. You're nervous about that pitch start where you are right now. Focus on what you can do. And build that confident momentum.
Kristel:
Yeah. That's great advice. And it really is like building a muscle mindfulness. It's building the muscle of our brain to be able to come back to the present moment, which is not always easy to do. And I always recommend people to pick a time of the day. Where you're doing something that you do every day.
Like when you brush your teeth, when you go up the stairs, whatever, when you go get the mail, have that be a reminder to be mindful and to come back to the present moment. Cause you'll be surprised how often your mind's like what's going to happen. What happened ruminating about this, about that. And it's just really important.
It's like that awareness. And then the more you do it, the more you can actually be living in the present moment. Yes. And that advice was really great you gave about the sports stuff, because obviously, this is a different scale than American ninja warriors, but I played paddle tennis and it's all fun. Okay. So fun right?
Alex:
It got me through 2020. I'll be honest with you.
Kristel:
I'm obsessed with it. And living in Illinois where it's cold, it's a great winter sport. So, I play on Monday nights, and it is such a mind game that I find if I have a couple bad shots, which this happened last week, and that's why it's fresh on my mind. Cause I like was in a funk after it and I hit a couple into the net and some of my drive was off.
And then I adjusted that and I overcompensated and I was like, oh, I just fel out of it. And I know one of my original teachers. It's like a mindful meditation, each shots, a new shot, but it was just so hard for me to do. In that game. So I don't know if you have any tips for like that mindset piece, which is such a huge part of it.
Alex:
Yeah. I love paddle tennis. I know exactly what you're saying. It's a beautiful and frustrating and wonderful game. Just like so many things that we do in life. I would say two things. One is, so obviously, the book is about failing. It's called a fail-proof it's about overcoming fails. And oftentimes we only look at the big fail. So that might be, we lost a deal. We lost our job, our relationship. But what I'm much more excited about is those micro fails, the little fails that happen every single day, that lead to whether it's a quote unquote success or failure. And in those little micro fails, that's where we can actually do the damn thing and improve things.
So why I say that is the myth. So say you lost the match. Okay. That's a big fail. The missed shot is a micro fail and the system that I will not kind of go into detail in the book is that there is a chain reaction that happens every single time we fail. And it's a three-step thing. The first one is an emotional reaction so that every single person does, whether you miss a deal or you miss a turn, you're going to feel some kind of way.
So the ability to handle that is the variable, because some people just like some people might slam the racket, they might curse. They might let that one. Miss shot turned into two, three, they lost the game. Now they're down three games now they lost the set. Now. So that is a variable. Now, some people are more stoic, meaning they're just not an emotional people.
I'm not one of them. I'm very emotional, but can you use it? meaning Kristel, if you're, if you're, if you're pissed off, can you channel that pissed off energy into making sure that you hit the next shot beautifully? If you can't, then I would encourage people sometimes I'll say to myself, Be a robot now that's I firmly believe that emotions are a gift.
And if we want 10 out of 10 success, we need to embrace our emotions and say, you're just feeling some kind of way. And, and you can't really get a grip on it. Sometimes I'll just say be unemotional and just pretend you're a robot. Pretend this body wasn't robotic preacher, that didn't have emotions and just do the next point like a robot. Perfectly fundamental and all of that. And that's sometimes helps me if I can't quite shake off something, ultimately though I'm a big believer in that emotions are there for a reason. And so, however you feel just use that as energy. And the last thing that I'll say. Well, I’ll finish the chain reaction.
So the first one is the emotional reaction, but some will never get over or they don't know how to use it. Step two. And this happens every single time. Miscommunication, miss deal. Mr. And Mrs. Shot is emotional reaction. Step two golden nugget. Meaning what I call, what could you have done better? What could you have done better?
Did you not plant your foot? Did you open up your shoulder? Did you try top spin where you should have done a slice get ahead of the point? Just one, there's probably a hundred different things that we could have done. Just find one, step three, fully commit to the next one. And usually, I've found that if we just screwed up in something, it's tough to fully commit to the next opportunity because we have that doubt that ended up being right, right. The doubts like, well, you just missed this shot. Why would you not miss this one? So it's choosing to fully commit now to the next opportunity.
Kristel:
I love that. And I think with this sort of thing, it's just.
The more that you practice that the easier it gets, it's like second nature to be able to be fully invested in the next shots. That's awesome. So the book there's a six step fail-proof system teaches people how to never let failure stop them. Yeah. Can you give me a couple more little tidbits into that?
Alex:
Yeah. So, so the steps, there's six steps. Those last three that I just gave are the final three. And then ultimately once we're on the track of our goal, that's what hyperdrives it. So basically the streamline breakdown of the six steps is the first step is to claim goals that actually matter so much of life doesn't mean.
So much of life is even distractions or noise or busyness or other people's demands. Infiltrating our heartbeats. And so we're doing things for other people, for a business or even people we love, but it's not actually for the goals that matter to you. So step one is claim and I say claim because we do need to declare to ourselves we're going for it.
And also it's possible. We deserve this. We're worthy of this. That's been a big thing in my life is not believing that I'm worthy or enough for something. So claiming that goal is you saying I am in the best shape of my life. I am in a loving relationship. I am the leader of this department, or I am making this much money.
Awesome. Claim it. Step two is just then right when you've claimed it, how can you make it? So, okay. You want a better relationship with the person you love? Okay. You have that. You've claimed that goal. What can you do right now? Is it sending them a text message? Is it going to the grocery store and grabbing their favorite dessert for dinner?
What is something small right now that takes this goal out of idea, Ethereal make-believe and puts it into the practical world. Step three is now that you've done. Now go big and bold with meaning what is really going to move the needle and why isn't it there is it because you two always argue and we get our emotions too much and it turns to a screaming match.
The big bold action would be just hear them out, listen with empathy and you control your emotions if you want to get in the best shape. Okay. Maybe it is signing up for a trainer or finding a run club or what it might be. So that's step three and then four, five, and six. Are what we can rinse and repeat because it happens every single time.
So now let's say, okay, you want to get in the best shape of your life, Great. You've committed to that run club. You show up the first day. It didn't go. Great. Now you're on step four, the emotional reaction. Why didn't it go? Great. Well, I didn't stretch. I didn't hydrate I haven’t run in fricking weeks. Okay, great. You learn something. Step six, show up to the run club again. Then you're, then you're in the hyperdrive. And if you really want this goal for yourself, you will get there. And the last piece is why most people stop is because they either don't really want the goal. They don't know what it means to them.
What is being in the best shape mean for you? Well, I would just feel better about myself. I'd feel more confident. Okay. But Y you know, for me with American ninja warrior, if I really asked myself why I do it. Okay. Well, cause I want to do things that I've never done before. Okay. You know what it's because I'm getting older and it makes me feel like I'm living and not dying that I can do things now that I couldn't do when I was a 21 D1 lacrosse player.
And that's very important to me. So I know that when I'm going and training late hours driving into the night and ripped up hands and getting humbled, swinging off bars. It's so dear to me to feel alive in this life and that I have confidence and self-worth, that keeps me going. So I just encourage anyone listening to keep asking yourself, why do you really want this until your heart flares up a little bit starts to beat? That's your reason.
Kristel:
I love it. That's amazing. I know that's going to help a lot of people and we are coming towards the end. I'm going to do a quick fun lightning round at the end, before we do that. Anything else you want to share? There's going to be a link to your book and the episode details. So if you're listening and you want to learn more, click that link and anything else you would like to share before we move on.
Alex:
Yeah, thank you so much. And I will, in the lightning round, I'll actually be brief in my answers and not rambling. The other thing that I'll just share is, you know, in addition to the book, I also run these communities. Uh, I call them success squads, where we all get together once a week, virtually just to hype each other up, support each other accountability for our goals.
And within that, I have a men's community. That's been really beautiful because I found in my life it can be especially difficult for men to connect on this. So if that hits for anyone listening, reach out to me.
Kristel:
Love it. That sounds like it's incredibly, incredibly important. So, all right, let's go onto the lightning round, Alex.
So first question I have for you, what is a bad habit that you have? And what's a habit you're working on creating right now at the moment.
Alex:
I'm gonna be honest with you and it's a bad habit. I've done it since being. Oh, gosh, probably 10 years old and a little nervous kid is I bite my nails. It makes no sense. It's such a weird thing and I'd like to stop and I think. Let's stop. Let's stop doing it. Yeah.
Kristel:
Boom! And then is that, so is that the habit that you're going to try and create is to stop maybe, stopping that?.
Alex:
Okay, One that I'm working on and it's, I'm probably batting 60, 40, 60% of the time. I do not. Nope. 50 - 50 three foods that I got. I love rice people make fun of me. It's a beautiful food. So I'm going watermelon, rice. And more watermelon and rice I've been good.
I can make it through that video. A whey protein thing, you know, you've got to keep the gain. Yeah.
Kristel:
Alright! Get some protein in there. Nice. All right. Last question I have for you is knowing what you know now, what advice would you have given to yourself from 10 years ago?
Alex:
Stop caring and share more. Um, and that's something I'm still taking to heart is stop caring about what other people think. And just keep sharing and doing what is in you.
Kristel:
Love it, Alex. Thank you so much. This has been so fun and love all the insights you shared. So thanks for spending some time with me today.
Alex:
Oh my gosh. Thank you for having me.